Photo by brainware3000

In this day and age, it’s all to easy to become overwhelmed by the demands on our time - those that we are already committed to, and all the new things constantly bombarding us at home, at work and in our daily lives.

The first and most important step to getting this chaos under control: Learn to say NO.

The trouble is that most of us don’t like to say No - we like to say Yes, and to do the things that are asked of us. It makes us feel better, and it’s nice to do things for other people.

At work, we might fear the consequences of saying no and flat out refusing to take things on. At home we might be apprehensive of saying to our partners or children that we can’t do something for them. Which is why I recommend using a cooling-off period…

Soften the blow of “No” with a Cooling-off Period…

The Cooling-off Period is a concept I borrowed from the personal finance industry, which mandates that a consumer has 14 days after signing up for a credit product to decide that they don’t want it, and can cancel without question.

The interpretation here is that rather than saying Yes or No immediately upon being asked, or prompted, to take on a new responsibility, you consciously enforce an appropriately sized waiting period before responding. This period might be an hour, a day or just 5 minutes - the purpose of this time is to give you a buffer, either to intelligently make your decision, or to formulate how you’re going to decline.

There are two key steps:

1. Enforce a cooling-off period. Define an appropriate time-frame for a response, dependent on the scope of the request and make it known to the relevant parties.
2. Use your cooling-off period. Whether you know from the outset what your response is going to be, or not, use this time to consciously consider the ramifications of your decision, and then respond intelligently.

By building this buffer of time into your personal workflow, you are more effectively managing peoples expectations - and giving yourself breathing space to say No when you need to.

Learn to say “No” to others…

Saying No to the people that matter is a difficult thing to do - it can be highly contentious, and can often trigger emotional reactions, which may be quite negative. Nevertheless, saying No can be a boon to your productivity and your peace of mind - and using the cooling-off technique will make it easier.

This technique is meant to be used subtly - not as a conversational bludgeon to get your own way. You can start implementing it today, but I recommend taking it steady and building it into your regular relationships slowly but surely.

To give you an example: Imagine you are at work, and your boss has asked you to tackle a special project - one related to your position, but which isn’t the best use of your skills and will impact the delivery of something more important. When you get the email asking if you can take it on, you choose to respond with:

“Thanks for keeping me in the loop - I am currently busy with (more important project your boss asked you to do), I’ll check my priorities after lunch and get back to you…”

Using this response, you are managing expectations - you are subtly reinforcing the importance of your time, your priorities and the project you are currently working on - without delivering an unequivocal No.

You could follow this up after lunch with:

“Thanks boss, I appreciate the opportunity to contribute to xyz, but I’m currently working on abc and def. In order to do a proper job on xyz, I’ll need to delay something until next week. What do you suggest?”

It then becomes your bosses responsibility to prioritize, but you have established your position and underpinned it by informing them of the impact of the new project. You may still end up taking on the new project, but it’s being handled within the context of your current workload.

Some other examples:

• When your partner asks you to do something - Responding after dinner may make them realize the task would be easier to do themselves.
• Your friend asks you to help move some boxes, when you’re booked to visit relatives - by saying you need to check your schedule with your wife (no, this is a sensible thing to do guys!) you are both given time to consider an alternative.
• Telling a salesperson you have remembered an urgent task, breaks their sales pitch and gives you a breather to realize you don’t need that walrus polishing kit…

The cooling-off technique is not meant to be a tool for procrastination or laziness - nor is it intended to help you manipulate others - it is meant to encourage you to give things an appropriate amount of consideration before you commit… Hopefully leading to more harmonious relationships with others, and a less demanding to-do list…

Learn to say “No” to yourself…

An area that is even more important for some of us (especially creative, flighty, over-enthusiastic piscean’s like myself) is learning to say “No” to yourself. This is not about denial of pleasure or telling yourself off… it’s about getting some structure into your decision-making, so you are more conscious about it and avoid taking on too much.

I am a creative person by nature - unless I am in a negative state, I normally have ideas flying off my head faster than I can write them down - and often before I know it, I am half-way through starting a new project, leaving existing projects strewn in my wake. While I love being creative, I dislike being so haphazard - and I’ve had to learn to say “No” to the new ideas that come to me.

By instigating a bit of structure and a cooling-off period within my own decisions, I am now able to track most (if not all) of my new ideas, and am able to tackle them in a prioritized, intelligent fashion.

When I get a new idea for a project, I consciously try to follow this list:

1. Write it down - This immediately gets it off my mind, and stops the idea-fireworks going off in my head.
2. Wait 24 hours - This is critical! I always wait 24 hours before I do anything with the idea, even putting it onto a projects list. This helps me decide if it really is worth pursuing, now or later, or whether I should forget it.
3. Action the Idea - I have a number of lists or systems, that I use to file my ideas. Blog posts go on one list. Project ideas go on another. If I want to contact someone about a possible idea, this is when I would send the email.

By following this process, I am able to consciously manage my ideas and keep them prioritized intelligently - I don’t get overwhelmed, yet I am still able to make the most of my creative side.

I have gained a great deal of value, and saved a great deal of stress, by using the cooling-off period to manage expectations around what I can and can’t do. My work relationships have improved, as the trust is a lot higher and I now get less low-priority work given to me. I’m able to manage my own ideas much more effectively - My priorities are much clearer, and I have a sensibly organized schedule of work to complete.

This is a powerful technique, which can have a very positive impact on the way you think, the way you communicate with others and the way you manage your time - Why not try to find some small way to use it today, and see if it has a benefit… You’ll be pleasantly surprised.